This just in:
The United Nations Security Council today voted to threaten the use of force against the United States of America unless it could prove that U.S. troops have stopped abusing Iraqi prisoners in Abu Ghraib prison.
“Let it never be said that this world body stood idly by as prisoners were subjected to humiliation and injury,” said former French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin (who is a man). “As the global defender of human rights, the U.N. is obligated to step in and protect the helpless innocents in Abu Ghraib.”
Mr. de Villepin said the U.N. would assemble a multilateral coalition consisting of troops from every nation on earth, under French command, to ensure that the United States “verifiably complies with the letter and the spirit of the resolution.”
It’s on Scrappleface, so it’s a joke, right? That rule seems to make sense, until you look at Reuters. The line between the absurd and the real world is blurry at best.
Also, on The Onion:
Mass Grave Blasted For Lack Of Diversity
SARAJEVO, BOSNIA-HERZEGOVINA—Members of the International Coalition for Equality criticized a newly unearthed mass grave Monday, saying it lacked religious and racial diversity. “The funereal pit is brimming with Croats, nearly 300 of them, without a single representative Serb,” ICE spokesman Jacques Marchand said. “Exclusionary burial practices like this send a negative message to the world. Corpses of all races and creeds should be tossed together to decay in harmony.” Marchand acknowledged that the grave did, at least, have a sprinkling of women and children.
Weirderer and weirderer. And still within the realm of the believable.