100 years of death and destruction

Anyone who’s paying attention to anything will realize that today marks the 100th anniversary of the first powered flight by Wilbur and Orville Wright.

What no one is pointing out is that their invention is basicially the root of all evil in the world as we know it. The London Blitz. Pearl Harbor. Dresden. Hiroshima. Linebacker II. The film Top Gun. 9/11. None of this would have been possible without heavier-than-air flight.

And it doesn’t stop there. That Soviet fighter pilot couldn’t have shot down KAL 007 without airplanes; neither he nor the hundreds of passengers on the airliner would have been able to leave the ground.

The Berlin Airlift, obviously, would have been complicated by the lack of working aircraft to lift anything, and maybe we could have worked our differences out with the Soviets without resorting to feeding hungry people against Moscow’s will.

Amelia Earheart wouldn’t have been lost without a trace without airplanes. John F Kennedy, Jr. would still be with us today without airplanes. King Kong would be living happily in the ruins of New York City if not for airplanes. (That seems really awful until you think: No New York City=No New York Yankees.)

If not for Air Force One, George W. Bush couldn’t fly all over the world. And if Air Force One was a hot air balloon instead of a Boeing 747, I’ll bet he wouldn’t have even bothered stealing that election. And we all know that Bush is more evil than Hitler, Stalin, and Darth Vader combined.

Why someone hasn’t thought to sue the Wrights, I don’t know. Airplanes are EVIL. 100 years of uncountable death and destruction. No wonder the rest of the world hates us.