‘Absolutely nothing that leads us to believe that this tale could be even remotely based in reality’

Taliban Monkey Terrorist

Taliban Monkey Terrorist

Are Taliban Training Monkeys to Kill U.S Troops?

The Chinese People’s Daily reported this week that “monkey terrorists” are being trained by the Taliban in Waziristan, near the Pakistan-Afghanistan border.

The newspaper also claimed that reporters from an unnamed British news agency took photographs of the “monkey soldiers” holding AK-47s and other weapons.The primates are supposedly meant to counter U.S. military technological advantages in Afghanistan.

“In response, the Taliban forces have tried any possible means and figured out a method to train monkeys as ‘replacement killers’ against American troops,” according to the newspaper.


  1. Well the use of trained monkey’s might account for Taliban’s recent uptick in accuracy and the decline in the availability of goats in the region…

    1. HAHA. I sooooo wanted to make a goat comment but bit my tongue. I’m glad one of the regulars didn’t let me down, though…

  2. False on the face of it.

    The Taliban would sooner field a unit of 7 year old girls before they would risk their valuable trained helper monkeys.

  3. Well……….unlike your facetious forum participants…….
    I prefer to treat this troubling development with the seriousness it deserves.

    I have it on good authority, from a former associate (long time intel officer) in Afghanistan; if the combat thing doesn’t work out the monkeys are thinking aobut running for Congress in the mid terms. Figuring they couldn’t **** stuff up much worse than the current crew. .)

    1. Flanker,

      Well Congressmonkeys would throw literal poop, not the figurative stuff we’re all used to.

      Visitors to the Capitol would need ponchos, but other differences would be subtle.

    2. You know the old saying about if you gave enough monkeys typewriters and enough time, they would eventually type up Hamlet?

      That’s not the case for tax law. It takes a special breed to produce that stuff…

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